Saschas diary

Thursday, June 24^thIt was another hot summer afternoon. The boys' T-shirts were sticking to their bodies with every move they made. This was gymnastics class, and Sascha was upset with his teacher for holding class outside in the unbearable heat. "Surely," he thought, "it would be much nicer to play football in the air-conditioned gymnastics hall. Better yet, we could be playing volleyball." Sascha didn't like football very much.

It didn't take long for about half the boys to strip to their gym shorts. Their sweat-dampened bodies were glimmering in the sun. The girls, sitting on the nearby meadow, were enjoying watching the almost-naked guys. So was Sascha! He especially enjoyed watching Ralph, a muscular, strapping, blonde boy from the class. Ralph's hobbies included mountain climbing and free climbing which, in part, explained his rock-hard physique. It excited Sascha to see Ralph's muscular body. But he tried to rationalize the attraction. "I am just comparing his body to mine," thought Sascha. "That's a natural thing for boys my age to do. We all compare ourselves to each other." Sascha felt better after thinking this, but he was still aware that only boys seemed to make him feel this way - a queer tickle. The girls in his class had no effect on him at all.

"Hi, are you dreaming?"

Sascha collected himself. The lesson was finished and he had to help take down the goals. Afterward, Sascha found himself in the changing room and then in the shower with the other guys. Again, there were these tickles when the naked guys surrounded him. Their firm legs, their muscular bodies, their beautiful faces - all of these things excited Sascha and he had to be careful not to get an erection. He had to control himself.

And he was worried. "What is the matter with me? Am I gay? NO, certainly not!"

After the gymnastics class, Gina was waiting for Sascha at the bicycle shelter. When Sascha came out, the girl joked, "At last! I was beginning to wonder what was taking you so long in the shower!"

Sascha and Gina had known each other for years - they grew up together in the same neighborhood. They had gone to school together from the beginning as well. They were great friends and knew each other very well. As a matter of fact, they spent so much time together, that fellow classmates used to joke about the two of them going steady. That was something that had given Sascha food for thought.

After all, Gina was very pretty, they were in the same class and the same age, and each was very supportive of the other. They were very close friends. Two years ago they were together on holiday in Spain. They were lying side-by-side in a tent and began hugging and kissing. But Sascha was worried Gina wanted more from the relationship. He believed she wanted to sleep with him, but he was not ready for that. First, he wasn't mature enough, and, second, she was simply not attractive to him in a sexual way.

He told her that he just wanted to be friends and that friends didn't sleep with each other.

"Pity," was all she said, and that ended the matter. But now Sascha was thinking. "Why am I thinking of this now. It's normal for a boy not to want to sleep with every girl he has as a friend." OR….did this have something to do with the fact that he didn't feel that special something with her that he felt when he was thinking of Ralph.

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